Radical Acceptance in DBT: What It Means and How to Practice It
Radical acceptance is one of the most misunderstood skills in DBT. The name sounds like giving up or approving of bad situations. It's actually neither.
Radical acceptance is about acknowledging reality as it is right now—not fighting against the fact that something has happened or is happening. The alternative—refusing to accept reality—adds suffering on top of pain.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering from fighting reality is optional.
What Radical Acceptance Is (and Isn't)
Radical acceptance IS:
- Acknowledging what is true right now
- Letting go of the fight against reality
- Accepting the moment fully, including the pain
- Opening up space to move forward
Radical acceptance IS NOT:
- Approval of the situation
- Liking what happened
- Giving up on change
- Passivity or resignation
- Saying the situation is okay
Accepting that something happened doesn't mean you think it should have happened. It means you stop fighting the fact that it did.
Why Resistance Creates Suffering
Consider what happens when you refuse to accept reality:
- You spend energy on "this shouldn't have happened" instead of "what do I do now"
- Emotions intensify because you're adding outrage at reality to the original pain
- You stay stuck in the moment rather than moving through it
- Mental energy goes to fighting what already is
Acceptance doesn't remove the pain. It removes the additional layer of suffering that comes from resistance.
Examples of Radical Acceptance
Accepting Current Emotions
Situation: You're feeling anxious before a presentation, and you're angry at yourself for feeling anxious.
Without acceptance: "I shouldn't be this nervous. What's wrong with me? I need to calm down immediately."
With radical acceptance: "I'm feeling anxious right now. This is what's happening. Anxiety before a presentation makes sense."
The anxiety may still be there, but you're not adding self-criticism on top of it.
Accepting Past Decisions
Situation: You made a choice that didn't turn out well—took a job that wasn't right, ended a relationship that you now miss, said something you regret.
Without acceptance: "I can't believe I did that. I'm so stupid. I should have known better. Why didn't I see what would happen?"
With radical acceptance: "I made that choice with the information I had at the time. I can't go back and change it. I can learn from it and make different choices now."
The regret may still be there, but you're not trapped in rumination about changing something that can't be changed.
Accepting Circumstances Beyond Your Control
Situation: You didn't get the job you wanted, or someone you care about is sick, or a relationship ended that you didn't want to end.
Without acceptance: "This shouldn't be happening. It's not fair. I can't handle this."
With radical acceptance: "This is what's happening right now. I don't like it, but it's reality. I can figure out what to do from here."
The disappointment or grief is still there, but you're not fighting the fact of the situation.
Accepting Other People
Situation: Someone in your life doesn't behave the way you want them to—a friend who cancels plans, a family member who criticizes, a partner who doesn't communicate the way you'd prefer.
Without acceptance: "They shouldn't be like this. They need to change. Why can't they just be different?"
With radical acceptance: "This is how they are right now. I can't force them to change. I can decide how I want to respond."
You may still want them to be different, but you're not spending energy on demanding that they be someone they're not.
Accepting Uncertainty
Situation: You don't know what will happen with your job, your health, your relationship, your future.
Without acceptance: "I can't handle not knowing. I need certainty. This uncertainty is unbearable."
With radical acceptance: "I don't know what will happen. That's the reality right now. I can handle this moment, even without knowing what comes next."
The discomfort of uncertainty is still there, but you're not treating it as an emergency.
How to Practice Radical Acceptance
Notice When You're Fighting Reality
Watch for phrases like:
- "This shouldn't be happening"
- "I can't believe this is happening"
- "It's not fair"
- "They shouldn't be like this"
- "I can't accept this"
These often signal that you're resisting rather than accepting.
Turn the Mind
Acceptance isn't a one-time decision. You may need to turn your mind toward acceptance repeatedly. Each time you notice yourself fighting reality, gently redirect:
- "I'm fighting what is. I'm choosing to accept that this is happening."
- Repeat as often as needed.
Half-Smile and Willing Hands
Your body affects your mind. Try:
- Half-smile: Relax your face and slightly turn up the corners of your mouth
- Willing hands: Open your palms, relax your arms—a posture of openness rather than resistance
Focus on What You Can Do
Acceptance frees up energy for action. Once you stop fighting reality, you can ask:
- What can I do now?
- What's in my control?
- What's the next step forward?
When Radical Acceptance Is Hardest
The bigger the pain, the harder acceptance becomes. Grief, trauma, major losses—these test the limits of acceptance. In these cases:
- Acceptance may come in waves, not all at once
- You may need to accept smaller pieces at a time
- Professional support can help with processing deeper pain
- It's okay for acceptance to take time
Radical acceptance is a skill that develops with practice. It's not about being perfect at accepting everything immediately.
How DBT Pal Supports Radical Acceptance
DBT Pal keeps distress tolerance skills accessible and helps you track your practice:
- Access radical acceptance techniques when you need them
- Log situations where you practiced acceptance or struggled with it
- Track patterns in what triggers resistance for you
- Build consistency in your distress tolerance practice
Getting Started
If you want to practice radical acceptance and other distress tolerance skills, DBT Pal provides access to exercises and tracking.
For more on DBT skills: